Good memories (are bad for you)

I never gave it any consideration before, but coming to think of it, I must have played more than 500 games over the years. But what do I remember? I remember the teams, the fields, the uniforms, the friends and the first pitching machine but the actuals games? I almost forgot everything. I got this handful of memories of spectacular situations. Apparently I carefully selected them to define myself as an ex-ballplayer for the sake of my current personality. But the hours and hours of nothingness that defines the genius of the game, the endless sequences of fly balls and infield outs, the way a bad hop can hop, the thousands of pitches I must have seen, everything is gone. The nastyness of hard work, panic and being outclassed it's not there anymore.
What I actually remember is a Youtube page with thirty 5 second videos. All the movies are digitally enhanced, the original characters are replaced by their digital counterparts. They are not only more athletic: their dialogues are heroic, witty and they have no acne.
This playlist of moments of perfection is short but boring. I know it was my decision to select and remix my memories, all be it an unconscious one. I just know they came in handy when my current personality needed to define himself as an ex-ballplayer. And then it's easier to tell a single story in its digitally enhanced version, in stead of one about the genius of nothingness. The occasions are so rare.
Now that I start playing again, I realize how dangerous this has been, this utopia of perfect plays. That is like buying a car and being disappointed that it didn't come with that hot broad you saw in the ad. What I need now is a whole lot of nothing. And the nasty stuff has to come back too. The thoughts in the head when you've got two strikes. The fumbles when you're playing on a wet field. This whole idea around what I am through the stories I have remembered needs to be re-thought. I have no problem with that, there is no price to pay. There's only nasty. I need nasty. So bring in the nasty.